Lifeline

Have you ever thrown someone a lifeline and they either refuse it or struggle with accepting it? I have witnessed this many times. My sister and my mother both have been offered lifelines from me in various forms and at various times. Each one has been refused. I often shook my head in disbelief.

Most recently I have offered a lifeline to a co-worker, friend. We are both on a project that is being run by people who lack even the most basic amount of integrity. There is no common goal or vision. The leaders are also unable to recognize talent, therefore unable to utilize the talent appropriately. They are of the belief that people are 'plug and play'. Any person can be replaced by another regardless of talent or skill needed for each task. People to them are just resources, numbers to report up to senior management. Along with these thoughts about their 'resources', they feel no need to provide adequate work space for them. This translates into resources being divided into 4 rooms. Each room holds 10-12 people with one phone to be shared by all. Each resource shares a square of a table, no personal effects. No where to put anything you might need throughout your work day. These are deplorable work conditions in my opinion. I'm not aware of one of my co-workers that is happy with this situation. I found a way out.

Thanks to some former co-workers pulling for me I got an opportunity out of this situation. There was one other position available. I asked my co-worker, friend if she'd be interested. Her and I had discussed ad nauseum our discontent with our current situation. She was very excited about the opportunity. We both proceeded forward...spoke to the hiring manager about our interest, applied to the requisition online, interviewed, offered the position and accepted the position. All along this process two of my former co-workers were telling the hiring manager how great we were. We both let our current manager know of our intent to leave. This is when it got interesting. Our senior management tried to put a stop to it. She tried everything to prevent us from going, but soon learned that the new manager really wanted us and he went toe to toe with her. They both had to compromise in the end. She got to keep us longer than he wanted, but we are out. We have a chance to start a new position with the same company where we have great salary and benefits. I personally couldn't be happier. I made the decision and I haven't looked back.

My co-worker, friend on the other hand has struggled with her decision ever since. Just Thursday she told me she's really considering staying and not taking the new position. I believe her after being in a team meeting with her. She is still very emotionally attached to this project. I honestly don't want her to do anything that she is not 100% sure of. Only she knows what is best for her. But, I honestly cannot fathom how this environment could be best for anybody! All of our other co-workers are completely jealous that we're getting the opportunity to move on. There is one person that is bending her ear and telling her how much they need her. He's giving her false hope in my opinion and she's buying it..hook, line and sinker! Everyone has their own path that is created by their own free will. It's just difficult for me to sit by and watch her make this decision and feel that she's messing up. But, I will. I helped provide her an option, but she most likely will chose to not take that option. I will not take it personally. Just as I have had to let go of the idea that my mother or my sister would accept any float I've thrown out to them, I will with her.

As for me....I'm outta there and couldn't be happier. I have 2 weeks left where I have to work 1/2 days on that doomed project and then I'm onto a new endeavor that at least has hope :)

Empathy

I often forget that not everyone possesses empathy Case in point, my friend was over tonight. I had some old pictures out on my kitchen table. We started looking through them. They were of my boys when they were younger. Some of them had my ex-husband in them with the boys. I was explaining how I hate seeing those pictures, because they look like he really cares about them. Her response was 'Well this is assuming that he doesn't'. I explained that I really believe that he doesn't. She said 'Well everyone speaks badly about their ex's' OMG this statement leaves me with the impression that she doesn't believe the things I've told her about him. Granted she never met him. But, he's such a manipulative person she would probably believe me even less if she had. She then looked at one of his pictures and said 'Well he doesn't look like a wife beater and a cheater'. I was shocked. I told her that if she ever met him in person she wouldn't think so either 'cause he's very good at being deceptive about who he really is. I'm still shocked by the whole conversation. If he weren't really the way I have said he is I would still be married to him. I sure wasn't jonesing for a divorce! But, he lied, cheated, abused, manipulated me the whole time we were together...even years after we were married because of the boys. He told me when my youngest son was born he never wanted him and that he wasn't his. He was born with red hair and my boss at the time also had red hair so he told me that he was my boss's and not his. Just last week I found out that he is still spewing this same lie. His ex-wife told me that was his story from when he first met her. So it's difficult when someone that is supposed to be my friend would give this monster the benefit of the doubt. I guess that it would take empathy and trust to understand something like this. Or possibly some people would actually have to live through a similar nightmare before they acquired such empathy.

Things are not always as they appear

Last week while I was on vacation I got an offer from HR for the job I interviewed for a couple of weeks ago. I accepted. My new manager called me an hour later. He apologized for disturbing me while I was on vacation, but said he wanted to congratulate me and welcome me to his team. He seems like such a breath of fresh air from the current secret cat fight society I belong to now a.k.a The Maverick Project.

The Maverick Project sounds like such a cool thing to be a part of doesn't it? It brings up images of Tom Cruise (before we knew he was a whack job), Goose, competition, excitement, soaring jets, excellence...all positive images. Well this project is anything but that. There isn't one person that I know of working on the project that wants to be there. The purpose of the project is a good one. It's a good concept that if implemented correctly would be great. Here lies the issue. Implementation will almost certainly fail due to management's incompetence; their incompetence to recognize talent and respect that talent, their incompetence to recognize their own limitations and seek the advice of others. Their lack of integrity will also play a big part in the failure of this project. They have never honestly reported to senior management the status or quality of product being developed.

In the beginning I was very excited to be a part of this project. I would learn new technologies. I would be involved in the technology of the future, yada yada yada. I bought into the story they were selling. Soon after being 'hand picked' to be a team member I learned that it wasn't what it appeared. I began exploring other employment opportunities within the company. It has taken a loooong time, but the opportunity is finally here and this secret cat fight society is attempting to ruin that opportunity for me. I thought they would gladly release me to this new opportunity, but I was wrong. All the sudden I'm a critical player on the team. They are attempting to make me stay on the project for another 8 weeks. They have virtually ignored my existence up to this point. I was really unsure if management even knew my name. They have ignored any complaint I've ever brought to them. I tried to make this an environment that I would want to be in. They have no intention of changing anything. Everyone is expected to like being sardined into a room with limited workspace, sharing a phone with 9 other people, not understanding the language spoken in the room, having no office supplies...I could go on. Honestly, these are deplorable working conditions for a professional. Now I'm critical?? And they won't let me go and pursue a better opportunity?? Completely unprofessional.

So now the leader of the secret cat fight society is battling with my new manager and trying to beat him down like she does everyone else. Not once has she had a conversation with ME about this. This is my career, yet she feels no obligation to speak to me about it and try to work out an agreement with me. She's just going to bully my new manager and then tell me how it's going to be! I'm furious to say the least. I'm sitting on the sideline and waiting for the outcome. I know my new manager is fighting hard for me...hoping for the best. He is able to recognize talent and has respect for people as people. He doesn't just look at them as 'resources'.

And for the bad news

Yesterday was the day of big news at the company I work for. Several of my friends, co-workers lost their jobs. My job was saved. But, theirs were lost. It makes me very sad for two of them in particular. I worked for both of them. They were both really good managers. One was my manager when I was hired. I worked for him over 4 years. I worked for him during one of the most difficult times of my life, when I was being stalked by my ex-husband and almost drove to insanity. I also worked for him when I suffered a broken ankle and elbow. He allowed me to work from home for 6 weeks while I was taking pain pills and healing. He was always very supportive of me and taught me a lot. He is a great guy. The other I only worked for for 6 months. He always made sure that I knew that he noticed the work I was doing. He always let me know how much he appreciated me. He also protected me from getting more work assigned to me than I could do in a reasonable amount of time. His wife just had a baby in Feb. and they have 3 other young children. I'm just so sad that these people and several others are losing their jobs. It proves once again that in this company you're not always rewarded for skill and integrity. Both of these men have these qualities yet they lost their jobs while others that lack any skill or integrity kept theirs. Unfair. Life is unfair. I know this, but don't have to like it.

I have news!!

My prospective, future manager contacted me today. He told me that I can expect an offer from HR in the next couple of days! woohoo! Now to find out what tomorrow's big organizational, layoff, etc. news is...

Crazy, busy

Life has been crazy, busy lately. I went to a week of advanced Java training. Then I was in another 2 weeks worth of training for the framework my company has purchased. During this time my eldest monkey boy turned 12. He has been signed up for his first ever overnight soccer camp. He got straight A's on his report card with the lowest grade being a 92, everything else 97 & up even got a 100 in Science! My youngest monkey boy got a 100 on his first TAKS test, straight A's on his report card with his lowest grade being a 96 there were a few 100's in there too. He also managed to put a gash in his knee which required a 2 hour emergency room visit and 11 stitches. So all this good behavior and one accident required lots of going out to eat and celebrating.

Last week I interviewed for a job that I have been waiting to come through for quite some time, since October. I heard from some of my co-worker friends that the hiring manager was quite impressed. I was supposed to hear back on Friday about his decision, but I'm still waiting.

I heard that on Wednesday there will be some BIG news within the company I work for. This will not be good, BIG news, rather bad BIG news in the form of layoffs, retirement packages, restructure, etc. So I'm waiting to hear about that too.

And for the final bit of information I'm waiting on...I'm again in the 2WW.

Good news is I'm on vacation while all this waitin' is going on. Sooo I went from crazy, busy to a screeching halt. I'm trying to enjoy the down time and not dwell on everything that's up in the air right now.

12 years ago today

My first son was born. He was 3 days late and took 17 hours of labor to get here. But, he was perfect. Now he's officially a preteen and I'm just as proud of him today as I was then. He is an intelligent, independent, nice young person...very proud to say he's my son :-)

All for naught

AF showed reared her ugly head so no pregnancy for me this cycle. It wasn't all for naught, because I did have fun trying at least ;-) Next cycle I'm pulling out the big guns and using a Clear Blue Easy Fertility monitor. This thing is supposed to be the bomb in detecting fertile days and showing you more than just 2 potential days to become pregnant. We'll see how well it works.

This has been a bit depressing for me. I was content with not having any more children. I have two of the best kids I can even imagine. I'm almost 40 years old and the 2 boys I speak of so often are very independent. A new baby would change the whold dynamics of our family. And then wham! out of the blue, not even trying I was pregnant. I was really excited about the unexpected new addition to our family. Then just as quickly that was taken away as I suffered the missed misscarriage. I went through a mirad of emotions, disbelief, sadness, pain, and finally ended up feeling hopeful about the future and trying again. But, here I am down again. The whole ordeal just seems a little cruel. It seems like everywhere I look someone is having a baby or is pregnant. I just found out yesterday my boss is pregnant. While I'm happy for her I'm sad for me.

I'll find that hope again, but for now I'm just a little sad about the whole thing...

Even more acronyms

Acronyms of a different nature...JNDI, RMI, EAR file, J2EE, GUI, JDBC...I'm in an advanced Java course this week. This is a great class and the instructor is really good. I'm just exhausted from the time change on top of learning these advanced techniques *yawn* I can't wait for Friday. I can catch up on some rest and a little closer to Monday when I can test. Yay!!

Two week wait

So we are full-on TTC (trying to conceive) a child. I sadly suffered a miscarriage on Thanksgiving day in 2007. I have waited the 3 months as instructed by my OB. I have continued taking prenatal vitamins. I gave up caffeine 2 weeks ago. I'm eating as healthy as I can. I have passed ovulation. So now I'm in this 2 week wait period before testing. It's really gonna be 1 week and 4 days, because I'm impatient like that :p So on St. Patty's day, March 17th I'll be POAS (peeing on a stick) to determine if we are with child or not. In the process I'm learning all kinds of new acronyms (TTC, DPO, POAS, CD, etc.) Yippee.

Life Lessons

I would have never planned things this way, but it seems to have worked out for my oldest son.

I have had further discussions with mt ex's current wife who is in the process of divorcing him. She is in the 60 day wait period right now before it can be finalized. I first spoke of this here

He is supposed to pick the boys up this Friday (tomorrow). He's preoccupied with stalking his wife and attempting to land a new victim to mooch off of. He's also without a job. Because of these things I'm not so sure that he'll show up.

Last weekend their step father and I sat down with them and discussed that when they do see their dad next he won't be with his wife. We explained that they are divorcing. The boys really liked her and her family so we wanted to prepare them and offer them the option of talking with her for closure. They were really upset about the news, but didn't want to speak with her.

Last night I was talking with my oldest son about the possiblity that his dad might not show up on Friday. I asked him if he'd be disappointed. He said 'No, not really'. He has been disappointed by him far too many times already I believe. He then told me he knew that the divorce was coming. I asked him how and he stated that his dad was not respectful of his wife and he told her what to do and bossed her around. We discussed how that's not the way you treat people you love.

I'm so happy that he noticed this. I stayed married to his father in the end because I wanted the boys' to grow up with their biological father in the same house with them. Finally, I realized that I wasn't doing them any favors by doing this. I was only teaching them exactly what a relationship should not be like. That realization helped me make the necessary decision to divorce him. So now my oldest son sees a healthy, loving relationship between myself and his stepfather. He now can recognize the difference between a healthy relationship and one that is not. After I learned the truth about my ex I never doubted my decision. This one conversation was great validation in the decision I made years ago though.

Proud mommy moment

I am so proud of my monkey boys. The youngest made it into the school's GATE (Gifted and Talented Education) program. The report card he brought home today was all A's with the exception of one B. He is in 3rd grade reading at a 7th grade level. My eldest monkey boy made straight A's on his report card. In 6th grade he's reading at a 10th grade level. This is good news for the mommy's soul.

The Mask Revisited

I have discussed the mask that some people wear before. Specifically, the mask that was worn by my ex-husband. On February 9th I received an email from his current wife asking a simple question. She wanted to know if there were any control or abuse issues when I was married to him. Considering our relationship now, only making the children available to him one weekend a month because I'm court ordered to, I gave a simple, neutral reply. It went something like this ... the terms of our visitation agreement and lack of deviation from it should answer your questions for you. She wanted more details. At this point I knew what was under his mask had been revealed to her. I responded again and said that I didn't feel that details of our relationship were appropriate or helpful to discuss. But, I urged her to take care of herself and not allow herself to be in an abusive or controlling relationship. A few hours later I got a phone call from her! I was shocked and a flood of emotion overtook me. But, what came to the forefront was the promise that I made to myself. After I escaped a wiser, stronger person from that horrible relationship, I vowed to help any woman in a similar situation anyway I could.

She started by saying she wasn't sure why she was calling. I suggested that she was calling me to receive validation for the way she was feeling. She chuckled and confirmed my suggestion. I proceeded to talk with her for at least an hour. It was cathartic for both of us. I learned that she was living my former hell. This was very upsetting to me. I was really hoping that he had really made some positive changes in his life. In the course of the conversation I was able to fill in some of the gaps for her. Of course he lied to her about me. According to him I was this horrible monster that had hurt him. I was able to confirm her suspicions. I was also able to warn her of how far he will go with the abuse, manipulation and control. She had witnessed some of this, but she hadn't left him yet and that sends him to a whole new level of control and manipulation. She had already figured most of this out for herself and only wanted confirmation.

I spoke to her and her cousin again yesterday. She has followed through with her plans. She has filed for divorce and served him with a protective order. He is doing everything to her that he did to me when I took this action. I'm happy to know that she has a really great support system. Her cousin also told me that it was my words that really made her take action. She was almost ready to go back to him and forgive him yet again. But, our conversation convinced her that was not the right direction. She is strongly proceeding ahead despite him pushing back.

I'm happy for her and sad once again for my boys. This is their biological father. That is such a sad reality for me. I would have never chosen him for their father had I known the truth...what was under the mask. But, at the same time I wouldn't trade them being here, my children for all the pain and suffering I have endured. They are one of the best things to have ever come into my life....wicked double edge sword.

This has also caused me to rehash and relive my past struggles with him as well. It was a solid 3 years of struggle being stalked, manipulated and controlled just because he's the biological father of my children. Which he never cared about in the right way. He's never done the right thing for them. I survived this 3 years of stalking hell without the proper support system. My mother didn't seem to be able to offer any support despite the fact that she had lived a similar hell. I still scratch my head on that one. I can't even imagine how/why she could have done that to me. My friends just didn't understand. I was too busy just trying to survive and be strong for the boys to really seek other support as I probably should have. I received some therapy, but often wonder if I should have had more.

On the positive side of all this
1.)We now have a wonderful man in our life, my husband and step father to the boys. He takes the role of step father serious. He only wants the best for them. He is teaching them how to be responsible, honest, loving, independent, productive men through example. Our relationship shows them how a loving relationship should be. They are well provided for. They are healthy and happy. They are both straight A students. Despite the ugliness of their father, they do have a great life.
2.) I can look back on the times I did everything alone with great pride. Despite being abused, manipulated and stalked I was able to provide a comfortable life for the boys and myself. I maintained a house during this time. I was able to keep them in private school for a while. I was able to hide a lot of the ugliness from them when they were very small so they felt secure and safe. I took the steps to end the ugliness and not allow it to continue. They have been to therapy and the only thing that came of it was that they are very stable, secure children. I am very proud of myself for all of this.

When I get in a funk like I am now, I always like to remind myself of the positive. There is always at least one. That should be the focus. Lessons were learned and I'm stronger for it. The boys will be stronger for this as well.

Crazy as a loon

I've been a little pre-occupied with life to post. But, I'm back :)

Week before last I was in agile training. It was really good. I learned a lot about the history of software development methodologies that I never knew. The agile methodology is great in theory. We're trying to put it to practical use and ummm it's not quite the same. Could be management...not sure. Anyhooo

Last weekend I had a girls weekend out. My wonderful husband took care of the boys and entertained them while I met up with 12 other mommies that I've known online for almost 10 years. I had never met any of them in person until last weekend. So 13 of us met up in person in Dallas for the weekend. We went to a cowboy bar for the Canadian mommies, rode the light rail downtown to see the JFK memorial, hung out in the hotel and ate and drank and did what we do best...talk. Fun was had by all. We all got along great and put faces and personalities to the online mommies that we had shared so much with over the years.

More about the wonderfulness of my husband, he really is the best. He understands that a little me time is a good thing. I had not had an outing like this for over 12 years bc (before children). I had a lot of fun, but do prefer to be with my family. I missed them terribly.

Now back to the drama at the office. Our project is pure insanity. One of my good friends is having a particularly difficult time. I have spent a lot of time this past week talking her off the ledge. Which reminds me of this scene from 12 monkeys. The whole clip is good, but it is particularly appropriate starting 1 minute 56 seconds into it where Jeffrey says '...for all I know you're crazy as a loon'. Great acting. If this job is taken too serious it'll drive you crazy!!

Busted!!!

Ok, here is a prime example of the monkey boys in action, with photographic proof. This morning I was downloading pictures from my camera and find this......



and this........



Ummmmmm this would be them JUMPING off the furniture in the family room!! What in the world are they thinking? Monkey boys! I guess I can be thankful that there were no emergency room visits as a result, all furniture is still in good condition and they are honing their photography skills.

Please ignore the hideous wires hanging from the t.v. this is a work in progress. Yeah we have a couple of those going on right now :)

Finding happiness at the 'bucks

I read this book a few weeks ago and it caused me to reflect on my current situation. It's an entertaining, feel-good, quick read. But, it made me think about what is really important (my happiness), how easy it is to lose the illusion of prestige and how the big, behemoth company I work for doesn't give a rip about me. This last realization I've known about for quite some time, but I have to be reminded of it from time to time. They do a good job with all the 'we care about our employees' propaganda. The author does a lot of name dropping which could be perceived as annoying, but I think he did this to drive his message home. As I was reading it I was all about quitting my job and going to work for Starbucks. Maybe a re-read is in order....

The tick tock of the clock is painful,

all sane and logical. I want to tear it off the wall. (excerpt from the lyrics of Inside Out by Eve 6) Love that song. I think of these lyrics while I'm sitting at my desk at my new office on this newish project that has no room for me. Everything is being handled by the offshore team. I'm just in the way. This is the new direction...new technology, new methodology, new platform, new database. This is 'the' project to be on according to everybody that's not on it and the management of the project. I don't agree. The management team is comprised of a bunch of ladder climbers who don't know what it takes to get the job done. Due diligence has not been properly done. The full time employees are not learning as they should. There are no mentors for us. The environment is not conducive to learning...just the oppposite. Instead, the offshore, temporarty, contract staff is doing all the work and learning the business rules, the system, the technology, the new methodology, etc. Where does that leave us? Well it leaves me wishing I was more involved. I feel like an outsider at the company that has employeed me.

I'm waiting to hear about 2 other positions within this company. Both of these positions I've been asked to assume by the hiring managers. It's down to formalities...requisition approvals, buget approvals, etc. My 5 year anniversary with the company will be Wednesday...

This week rumour has it we'll hear some news about the future of the company, layoffs, selling off of assets, etc. I'm ready to hear the news good or bad. I expect it to be more of the latter. When it comes to layoffs it seems I have been put in a position to make this easier. I could be let go and the project I'm on wouldn't even notice...until implementation. I believe I'm an integral part of the implementation since I have designed and managed a lot of the back end integration. Oh well, it is what it is. The decisions have been made or are in the process of being made. I now sit and wait for the news.

Meet Chubby

He is the dog of many names. Chubby is his given name, but he also goes by Chubba-Lou, Lou-Lou Bell, Lump-a-Lou, Chubby Love, Chubby the thug and plain ole Lou (said in your best Tyler Durden voice). His very first name was Bobby. When we first adopted him he was called Wing Nut for a short period of time. All this naming I would like to mention was done without my involvement. My creativity only came in after the fact, with the additions that we now call him. To me, he's usually Chubba-Lou or just Lou. And we wonder why he doesn't come when we call him?!? Aside from just being a beagle he's probably not quite sure we're talking to him.

He is under the misguided perception that his little beagle body is not supposed to touch the floor. He sleeps on everything but the floor where a dog belongs.

On the monkey boy's Dallas Cowboy bean bag. Go Cowboys!!!


On the shelf under the old desk. Remember me mentioning my lack of cord management, you can see it here :)


In our bed as if he belongs there. I'm certain he had a little help with the covers though.


On the couch with a nice, fluffy soccer blanket for his little beagle head.


Smiling on the eldest monkey boy's bed. He's so proud of himself. He loves himself!


Ahhhhh! The life of a beagle.


Lou says 'Excuse me, but this is a little harsh on my delicate beagle body!'

Progress

Progress is being made on our office. I love my new work space! This is definitely a work progress. Painting this room and building pieces of this furniture is what kept my mind occupied (sorta) while the boys were with their bio dad for their Christmas visitation. I love the way this furniture looks, but it is very easy to scratch. The wood is very soft. A couple of pieces were damaged during the construction phase by the previous constructor (husband's employee with a bad attitude). Then as we were putting the second desk together we found a defective piece. So we are now waiting for replacement parts to arrive before we can complete all the furniture. Plug for Staples: they are sending us the replacement parts/pieces free of charge! Woohoo Staples. Since I actually work in here we set up my side first. My husband will have the same setup across the room from me. Then we'll be able to hang things on the wall as well. Notice the lack of cords all over the place? That would be great cord management by my husband! If it were up to me it'd be a jumbled mess. Today I will be hooking up my printer...that's the only remaining peripheral to connect. From this you can see the new paint color and get an idea of how the set up will look. I found some boxes and organization things at The Container Store that I want to get to utilize the shelf space better. And look how tiny my monitor looks on that big desk. I need to handle up on that for sure.

Emotionally charged post

My post from yesterday was very much a knee jerk reaction from listening to the boys talk about their visit with their bio dad. It happens every time they return. I just have such a hard time with him rolling onto the scene after a huge absence. He has always been a father when it was convenient for him. And I use the term father loosely.

First of all I was speaking of 'MY children'. I really don't feel that was appropriate. This sounds like they are just possessions to me. That's not the case. I just take my responsibility of being a mother very serious. Also, their wonderful step father has put a lot of time and energy in making sure they grow up to be the best they can be. He has the same concerns as I do for them. So for me to be throwing around the phrase 'MY children', is not fair or accurate. As for the ex, it's very difficult for me to think that they are really his children too. He doesn't act like it.

Also, the boys going to church is not the real issue. It's just that they are going to church with people that I don't know. I don't know what they are being taught or by whom. This is the control freak in me. But, I want them to learn about everything and make up their own mind as to what they think is best for them. I was just hoping it would be when they were older and better equipped to make such a decision. Also, church is a much better exposure than what he could be exposing them to. I just couldn't see all this last night in my overly emotional state of mind. But, reason is always restored and I'm thankful for it.

Oh Sh*t

That's all I can say when I think about my career, my job, my current employment situation. I work in technology in the financial industry. So the company I work for is getting lots o' press these days. This is press of the negative nature. It's difficult not to buy into all the fear being pushed by the media. It seems that there is someone at the WSJ that is even trying to persuade the perception even more to affect the stock or for some unknown financial reason. I have posted in the past about how I dislike my work environment. I dislike our offshore model. I'm not opposed to offshoring in general. It's just our model seems very skewed. For every full time employee there are 8 offshore contractors. If a full time employee leaves they are replaced with an offshore resource (contractor). At this rate, eventually there will be no FTE's. Everyday there is a looming cloud over our heads of layoffs, buyouts, etc. In an environment where we should be working together and learning from each other often the primary language is Hindi. Ummm I don't know this language, subsequently I'm left out of the knowledge pool. Aside from all these negatives, there are actually some positives or I would have jumped ship. Unfortunately, none of these have to do with integrity, self enrichment, a feeling of accomplishment, advanced technology knowledge or anything one would expect in order to advance in their position or career. I get a nice paycheck, flexibility (I'm able to work from home, take time off as needed), enormous amount of paid time off....hmmm that's about all I can think of right now. So basically I'm there for the paycheck. It makes it hard to show up everyday. I can't help but hear Green Day in my head...

Another turning point;
a fork stuck in the road.

Time grabs you by the wrist;
directs you where to go.

So make the best of this test
and don't ask why.

It's not a question
but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs
and still frames in your mind.

Hang it on a shelf
In good health and good time.

Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial.

For what it's worth,
it was worth all the while.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

Green Day - Time Of Your Life

Happy New Year!

I have been MIA for a while. I had to return to the work force on Wednesday. But, not before I was lucky enough to get a cold from my dear husband. Remember how excited I was about the indoor water park? Well everyone except me has probably already thought of this, that is nothing but a petri dish of germs. Think about it...85 degree wet room with 50 million kids (small exaggeration), what are the odds of a sick one or two being in there? I'm thinking that the odds are HIGH. So we are talking petri dish of germs. Maybe not a petri dish, but there were at least one or two and my husband was oh so fortunate to find them. He was sick when we got home. I felt so bad for him. That's just not fair. I managed to resist for a few days. But, I ended up with the same bug and feeling ill conveniently the day before I was to return to work. Then he felt bad for giving it to me. I didn't blame him at all though.

I was hoping to show up at the office with a new positive attitude about the crappy place I had left almost 3 weeks ago. No such luck, it still sucks and I have been feeling crappy while trying to cope with it all. This is where Starbuck's comes in. That helps tons in feeling better so I had a double dose today. I'm almost feeling normal again. I hope to wake up all better tomorrow!

In other positive news...the monkey boys brought home all A's with only one B on their progress reports. Also, they each had quite impressive Iowa test scores! Yay for them.