Under 'the mask'

Unfortunately, you have to always be aware of the mask a person could be wearing. They could be young or old, man or woman. They wear different masks for different reasons. It could be a person with a mask of a helpful friend, until you really need help. When action is needed to back up those words the mask comes off. You realize they were just words. I believe the most hurtful, life changing, devastating example of this would be the person I chose to have children with. He chose to wear a mask and fool me into thinking he was a different person. He wore the mask of someone I could spend the rest of my life with, that could be my partner and that I would have children with. Slowly pieces of his mask began to fall off. The most revealing was the night before I was to go in to the hospital for the birth of my second son. I knew at that moment something had to be done. But, it took a few more years for me to see this unmasked side come out and be strong enough to actually take the steps. The day I filed for divorce his mask came completely off and I was scared. I had actually been married to a monster and had children with him. I used to say that I had been married to the devil himself and didn't know it. He was abusive to me most of our marriage. I was in denial because he would always put the mask back on. It made it difficult for me to believe what had just happened. I didn't want it to be true so I conveniently lived in denial. He stalked me for years after the divorce. He tormented me and used the love I have for my children against me. He tried to turn them against me by telling them lies. He actually had my oldest son really confused for a while. Due to him not following the court orders for visitation he lost his visitation rights for 2 years. He did not see them from the summer of 2005 until the summer of 2007. I think these 2 years were critical in rebuilding my relationship with my oldest son. I don't believe he'll be confused about me again. He's old enough and wise enough to decipher the truth from the lies. But, the monster has regained visitation.

Now since I was not aware of 'the mask' back in 1995 two of the most important people in my life are with the person I dislike and distrust the most for a Christmas visit. It's very hard for me to not worry about them. Over the years he has threatened so many times to take them from me that I still have a fear that he will follow through with that. I try to keep myself busy and just trust that on December 23rd at noon they are where they are supposed to be so that I can bring them home where they belong.