Empathy

I often forget that not everyone possesses empathy Case in point, my friend was over tonight. I had some old pictures out on my kitchen table. We started looking through them. They were of my boys when they were younger. Some of them had my ex-husband in them with the boys. I was explaining how I hate seeing those pictures, because they look like he really cares about them. Her response was 'Well this is assuming that he doesn't'. I explained that I really believe that he doesn't. She said 'Well everyone speaks badly about their ex's' OMG this statement leaves me with the impression that she doesn't believe the things I've told her about him. Granted she never met him. But, he's such a manipulative person she would probably believe me even less if she had. She then looked at one of his pictures and said 'Well he doesn't look like a wife beater and a cheater'. I was shocked. I told her that if she ever met him in person she wouldn't think so either 'cause he's very good at being deceptive about who he really is. I'm still shocked by the whole conversation. If he weren't really the way I have said he is I would still be married to him. I sure wasn't jonesing for a divorce! But, he lied, cheated, abused, manipulated me the whole time we were together...even years after we were married because of the boys. He told me when my youngest son was born he never wanted him and that he wasn't his. He was born with red hair and my boss at the time also had red hair so he told me that he was my boss's and not his. Just last week I found out that he is still spewing this same lie. His ex-wife told me that was his story from when he first met her. So it's difficult when someone that is supposed to be my friend would give this monster the benefit of the doubt. I guess that it would take empathy and trust to understand something like this. Or possibly some people would actually have to live through a similar nightmare before they acquired such empathy.

And for the bad news

Yesterday was the day of big news at the company I work for. Several of my friends, co-workers lost their jobs. My job was saved. But, theirs were lost. It makes me very sad for two of them in particular. I worked for both of them. They were both really good managers. One was my manager when I was hired. I worked for him over 4 years. I worked for him during one of the most difficult times of my life, when I was being stalked by my ex-husband and almost drove to insanity. I also worked for him when I suffered a broken ankle and elbow. He allowed me to work from home for 6 weeks while I was taking pain pills and healing. He was always very supportive of me and taught me a lot. He is a great guy. The other I only worked for for 6 months. He always made sure that I knew that he noticed the work I was doing. He always let me know how much he appreciated me. He also protected me from getting more work assigned to me than I could do in a reasonable amount of time. His wife just had a baby in Feb. and they have 3 other young children. I'm just so sad that these people and several others are losing their jobs. It proves once again that in this company you're not always rewarded for skill and integrity. Both of these men have these qualities yet they lost their jobs while others that lack any skill or integrity kept theirs. Unfair. Life is unfair. I know this, but don't have to like it.

Crazy as a loon

I've been a little pre-occupied with life to post. But, I'm back :)

Week before last I was in agile training. It was really good. I learned a lot about the history of software development methodologies that I never knew. The agile methodology is great in theory. We're trying to put it to practical use and ummm it's not quite the same. Could be management...not sure. Anyhooo

Last weekend I had a girls weekend out. My wonderful husband took care of the boys and entertained them while I met up with 12 other mommies that I've known online for almost 10 years. I had never met any of them in person until last weekend. So 13 of us met up in person in Dallas for the weekend. We went to a cowboy bar for the Canadian mommies, rode the light rail downtown to see the JFK memorial, hung out in the hotel and ate and drank and did what we do best...talk. Fun was had by all. We all got along great and put faces and personalities to the online mommies that we had shared so much with over the years.

More about the wonderfulness of my husband, he really is the best. He understands that a little me time is a good thing. I had not had an outing like this for over 12 years bc (before children). I had a lot of fun, but do prefer to be with my family. I missed them terribly.

Now back to the drama at the office. Our project is pure insanity. One of my good friends is having a particularly difficult time. I have spent a lot of time this past week talking her off the ledge. Which reminds me of this scene from 12 monkeys. The whole clip is good, but it is particularly appropriate starting 1 minute 56 seconds into it where Jeffrey says '...for all I know you're crazy as a loon'. Great acting. If this job is taken too serious it'll drive you crazy!!

Patience

The word for today is patience. I will have to summon as much of it as I can possibly muster to make it through the day. I have agreed to watch a friend's children for the night. Her and I have very different parenting styles. Therefore, we have vastly different children. First of all I love children. But, I truly believe children should be taught how to behave and have respect for others. These 2 boys that I'll be watching tonight have not been taught these things. They are starving for attention and have learned to feed on negative attention as opposed to none at all. They have also learned that if they beg enough their parent(s) will eventually give in to their whiny demands. They act much better when they are here with just us and their parents are not around. But, they still stretch my patience to the limit sometimes. I have a low tolerance for whining, bickering and complaining. Can't we all just get along and be happy?? So why am I watching them if it is such a chore.

My friend and her husband have a Christmas party to go to.
She is very kind to watch my boys anytime I need her to.
Just maybe spending time with our family will have a positive impact on their lives.