And for the bad news

Yesterday was the day of big news at the company I work for. Several of my friends, co-workers lost their jobs. My job was saved. But, theirs were lost. It makes me very sad for two of them in particular. I worked for both of them. They were both really good managers. One was my manager when I was hired. I worked for him over 4 years. I worked for him during one of the most difficult times of my life, when I was being stalked by my ex-husband and almost drove to insanity. I also worked for him when I suffered a broken ankle and elbow. He allowed me to work from home for 6 weeks while I was taking pain pills and healing. He was always very supportive of me and taught me a lot. He is a great guy. The other I only worked for for 6 months. He always made sure that I knew that he noticed the work I was doing. He always let me know how much he appreciated me. He also protected me from getting more work assigned to me than I could do in a reasonable amount of time. His wife just had a baby in Feb. and they have 3 other young children. I'm just so sad that these people and several others are losing their jobs. It proves once again that in this company you're not always rewarded for skill and integrity. Both of these men have these qualities yet they lost their jobs while others that lack any skill or integrity kept theirs. Unfair. Life is unfair. I know this, but don't have to like it.

The tick tock of the clock is painful,

all sane and logical. I want to tear it off the wall. (excerpt from the lyrics of Inside Out by Eve 6) Love that song. I think of these lyrics while I'm sitting at my desk at my new office on this newish project that has no room for me. Everything is being handled by the offshore team. I'm just in the way. This is the new direction...new technology, new methodology, new platform, new database. This is 'the' project to be on according to everybody that's not on it and the management of the project. I don't agree. The management team is comprised of a bunch of ladder climbers who don't know what it takes to get the job done. Due diligence has not been properly done. The full time employees are not learning as they should. There are no mentors for us. The environment is not conducive to learning...just the oppposite. Instead, the offshore, temporarty, contract staff is doing all the work and learning the business rules, the system, the technology, the new methodology, etc. Where does that leave us? Well it leaves me wishing I was more involved. I feel like an outsider at the company that has employeed me.

I'm waiting to hear about 2 other positions within this company. Both of these positions I've been asked to assume by the hiring managers. It's down to formalities...requisition approvals, buget approvals, etc. My 5 year anniversary with the company will be Wednesday...

This week rumour has it we'll hear some news about the future of the company, layoffs, selling off of assets, etc. I'm ready to hear the news good or bad. I expect it to be more of the latter. When it comes to layoffs it seems I have been put in a position to make this easier. I could be let go and the project I'm on wouldn't even notice...until implementation. I believe I'm an integral part of the implementation since I have designed and managed a lot of the back end integration. Oh well, it is what it is. The decisions have been made or are in the process of being made. I now sit and wait for the news.

Oh Sh*t

That's all I can say when I think about my career, my job, my current employment situation. I work in technology in the financial industry. So the company I work for is getting lots o' press these days. This is press of the negative nature. It's difficult not to buy into all the fear being pushed by the media. It seems that there is someone at the WSJ that is even trying to persuade the perception even more to affect the stock or for some unknown financial reason. I have posted in the past about how I dislike my work environment. I dislike our offshore model. I'm not opposed to offshoring in general. It's just our model seems very skewed. For every full time employee there are 8 offshore contractors. If a full time employee leaves they are replaced with an offshore resource (contractor). At this rate, eventually there will be no FTE's. Everyday there is a looming cloud over our heads of layoffs, buyouts, etc. In an environment where we should be working together and learning from each other often the primary language is Hindi. Ummm I don't know this language, subsequently I'm left out of the knowledge pool. Aside from all these negatives, there are actually some positives or I would have jumped ship. Unfortunately, none of these have to do with integrity, self enrichment, a feeling of accomplishment, advanced technology knowledge or anything one would expect in order to advance in their position or career. I get a nice paycheck, flexibility (I'm able to work from home, take time off as needed), enormous amount of paid time off....hmmm that's about all I can think of right now. So basically I'm there for the paycheck. It makes it hard to show up everyday. I can't help but hear Green Day in my head...

Another turning point;
a fork stuck in the road.

Time grabs you by the wrist;
directs you where to go.

So make the best of this test
and don't ask why.

It's not a question
but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs
and still frames in your mind.

Hang it on a shelf
In good health and good time.

Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial.

For what it's worth,
it was worth all the while.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

Green Day - Time Of Your Life